Date: Fri, 27 May 1994 09:25:24 -0500 Sender: UB Poetics discussion group From: Charles Bernstein Subject: I remember Joe Brainard Joe Brainard died of AIDS on Wednesday. He was 52 years old. ***** PEOPLE OF THE WORLD: RELAX! Beware of boys in tight pants They are perverts Beware of tight pants They chap the fanny and irritate the leg muscles Your friends will laugh And your mother will know Do not feel guilty if showers turn you on There is nothing wrong with masturbating in the shower I masturbate in the shower And there is nothing wrong with that Everyone does it If you do not do it, try it Everyone does it People of the world: RELAX! If you want to be a movie star go to Hollywood If you want to be a dancer dance right now Or it will be too late And you will be unhappy Be a dancer if you want to be a dancer Do not be afraid Some of the best people I know are dancers People of the world: RELAX! Take it easy and smoke a lot Make all the noise you want to on the toilet Other people will hear you but it does not matter People of the world: RELAX! Put on a clean white shirt and RELAX Do not be afraid Some of the best people I know are afraid Do not be afraid of death It will not hurt you People of the World: RELAX! This is a good life Go of-of-doors a lot Smell flowers Sit down in the grass It will not hurt you Look at the tree The sky is blue Climb every mountain Air is the only hope Do not kill any ants They are your best friends PEOPLE OF THE WORLD: RELAX! The world is yours Here, take it ****** I remember when polio was the worst thing in the world. I remember that little jerk you give just before you fall asleep. Like falling. I remember a dream of meeting a man made out of very soft yellow cheese and when I went to shake his hand I just pulled his whole arm off. --Joe Brainard, from _Selected Writings_ (New York: The Kulcher Foundation, 1971)